…and why my bum is once-again a NO-GO-ZONE.
It’s been many months since I wrote that blog post about what it was like having my vagina waxed, for the first time ever. And yet, I’m still known as that girl who blogged about that time she had her vagina waxed. Once people connect the face with the blog it’s always “oh you’re that girl who blogged about her first vagina wax.” And then there’s nodding and then I blush. Because yes, well. I did. But I totally didn’t expect that many people to actually read that post.
And because I just can’t help myself, I’m going to do it again. That oversharing thing. Yeah, I know. I probably shouldn’t, but then I lack that filter that can tell the difference between what’s appropriate and what’s not. So I can’t really tell/don’t really care.
This time, I’m going to be oversharing about that time The Boyfriend first got his brown wings. Yes, you heard right. It happened. I cracked (bad pun, right?) and relented. And let him have what he wanted. Suffice it to say that it ended in tears and they were all mine. But (and if you knew me, you’d have known this one was coming) leaving it at ‘suffice it to say’ just isn’t a TMI, now is it? Of course not.
Now while I am going to spare you most of the details, I am going to say this.
Or at least show you the wrongness of it all :
I’m sorry, I couldn’t actually bring myself to correct the orientation of this picture. It’s just so wrong.
And then there’s even more wrong-ness.
This is what you should know:
1. on a purely herbal basis: means it’s going to burn. Badly. Because who the fuck knows what HERBAL mess is in there?
2. Dermatalogical evaluation “very good”: not very “comforting” is it? What the FUCK does this mean? That it’s good for your skin? As in “oh honey, let me use some of this on your asshole, it’s very good for your skin. And while I’m down there, I might as well….” UM. NO.
3. No anesthetising effects: it’s still going to FUCKING hurt. It’s going to hurt AND it’s going to feel like you’re taking a shit in reverse. Only girls don’t do THAT – so can you see why I might have an issue with the whole anal sex thing?
4. Increases bursting pressure of condoms: um. what?
5. more intense feeling: I’m going to refer you to point 3, made above and cross reference it with ‘feels like a shit in reverse’.
6. Simply relaxxxxing: Easy on the x’s there, tiger. I thought this was all about the 0 anyway. (haha, didya geddit?)
7. For anal use only: please tell me where else you’d want to use analspray and then get the fuck out my life, it was nice knowing you, sick bastard.
8. Avoid contact with the eye: How the HELL would you get analspray in your EYE? which eye are we talking about? the brown eye? I’m confused.
9. for details and the precautionary measure please refer to the package insert: Don’t bother. I’ll tell you all you need to know. WHATEVER HAPPENS, DON’T LET THAT PACKAGE INSERT HAPPEN.
You know what I mean.
Just. Don’t Do. It.
PS: good for you if this is something you enjoy. It’s just not for me.
HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Love that you have the chutzpah to say what others only think! It’s what keeps me coming back for more Exmi
.-= Luca’s Mum´s last blog ..Happy Mothers’ Day =-.
I’ve had the.. um.. leasure of being “allowed” this experience on two seperate occasions. I must admit, the second time was to confirm what the first time had shown me.
I don’t get the appeal. It’s just not that awesome.
Occassionally…
.-= Wenchy´s last blog ..No fashion has ever been created expressly for the lean purse or for the fat woman: the dressmaker’s ideal is the thin millionaires. =-.
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OMG, No! I didn’t even know they made stuff like anal spray. It’s just wrong.
There are some places men (and/or women) are just not meant to go! And my anus is *definitely* one of those places.
.-= MeeA´s last blog ..Spreading Some More Blogger Love…. =-.
I *so* needed that laughter. The anal-spray-in-the-eye did it for me amongst other things. Hehe. Thank you!
I gave you an award – http://gnatj.com/2010/05/23/someone-thinks-i-am-worthy/
Hahahahaha. I read it, and saw the Eye thing too. Was wondering bout dat. Great minds think alike.
I think I just pissed myself.
.-= David Anthony Alves´s last blog ..The Troll of Reason… =-.
Since you’re doing to the TMI thing – here’s my contribution. Anal sex is great – just ask a gay man provided they know how to do it right!
Stay far away from any sprays/creams/ointments/substances which you can inhale to make you relax. You have to get the muscles to relax – deep breathing and fingering/dildo works wonders – and it can be very erotic and great foreplay. If it hurts you’re doing it wrong… Great post either way ExMi – LOL
oh and one more thing: Durex Lube in the purple bottle is the best for any sex in my opinion. The Play range is not good for anal sex…
Interesting, the only time we have ever tried we were both really hammered so it seemed enjoyable at the time.
.-= Bobbi Janay´s last blog ..Now I want a cookie. =-.
I thought I was the only one for whom this was painful! And not fun and hardly appealing, to say the least. Porn movies make it look so easy… which is not the case for me. Even with the lube…
But, I’ve made The Dad a deal: As soon as I can stick a dildo up his bum, I’ll let him earn his wings with no complaints or cries from me. It hasn’t happened yet though.
.-= Boobahsmom´s last blog ..So, we’re looking for a puppy… =-.
Giggling my ass off… which in my case sounds like the Disney bulldog when he laughs…
.-= Angel´s last blog ..He Called!!! =-.
Oh it was a good laugh.
That is the funniest thing ever. Overshares always welcome. You rock! Oh and, ‘Eewww’!
.-= Kristen´s last blog ..Green Eyed Monster =-.
You have a lot of guts to speak about these things and that’s why I read your blog. I have to agree with you … this is not meant to be done ever.
There are just somethings I’d never go for, and your post just confirms it. Yay you for making something a bit TMI really funny
.-= cassey´s last blog ..The weekend =-.
Yay for Boobahsmom:
“As soon as I can stick a dildo up his bum, I’ll let him earn his wings with no complaints or cries from me. It hasn’t happened yet though.”
To all you people who think its eww and an area never to be explored… expand your boundaries, literally… you’ll be surprised! LOL
Pissing myself laughing!
Fark – no thanks. We each have 1 *NO WAY HONEY* card and that is mine….!