On The Lizard: So Over It And Can’t Do It Anymore

Posted on November 4, 2011 by ExMi

It’s official, I am the world’s worst person. I am one of those people that buys an exotic pet, and then a few months down the line, gives that exotic pet away. I fail. I throw my hands up in the air and admit defeat. But really, I just can’t any more.

Last year, sometime before the festive season – my darling beloved fiance gets it into his head that it would be cool to get The Kid (all of three years old) a bearded dragon for Christmas. Like everything he does, he researched the shit out of bearded dragons on the Internet, found a place to buy one, and there it was. In my lounge. This itty bitty reptile.

And it was totally cute at first. It was little, it was fascinating and The Fiance enjoyed feeding it baby crickets and The Kid enjoyed watching him. But then holidays were over and Fiance returned to work, and I was left (most days) with the task of catching baby crickets. Soon the task became catching almost-giant crickets – a task which is VERY difficult to do without tweezers (someone broke the big plastic pair we had from a first aid box that made the task a bit easier. I’m not pointing any elbows, but it certainly wasn’t me. So then I was forced to use SIDECUTTERS. To catch crickets. Do you feel my pain yet?). It’s also FUCKING difficult to catch crickets in a box, while trying to hold the lid of the box with your other hand, to prevent the other cricket occupants of the box from jumping out and escaping. For months and months I had boxes of crickets perched on my desk, right near my computer – and MAN do those things STINK and seriously. They never fucking shut up. Constant chirping. INCESSANT.

Keeping the box of crickets on my desk didn’t seem like such a bad idea – The Fiance wanted them there, because he sat IN MY CHAIR AT MY DESK when he caught Mojo’s food – until we got a kitten. A curious, persistent cricket-eating-cricket-LOVING kitten. Seriously, no jokes. When she heard the lid being pulled off the cricket tub – she was up the stairs and rubbing herself all over your face while you were trying to catch crickets and trying to stick her head in the box.

It was easy enough to fend her off by tossing her outside, but then Xena waited until I was out of the room, jumped onto my desk and swatted the box of crickets, spilling out 90+ crickets, cricket shit (which stinks) and gnawed-on carrot shavings, onto the new carpet in the loft upstairs. There were crickets in my couches, under my desk, in the cupboard, under the rugs, on my chair – FUCKING everywhere. At about a hundred bucks a pop for a box of crickets – which lasted about 2 weeks – I was, at that very moment in time, panic-stricken and a little bit ‘aw fuck, are you serious?‘.  I wasn’t about to let a new box of reptile chow go to waste – but at the same time, I didn’t want to actually have to TOUCH any of them. Damned if I did, and damned if I didn’t, I shrieked my way through catching at least half of them, with the assistance of the housekeeper. She was actually in hysterics at how hysterical I was and how much I shrieked, as I tried to corner a cricket and catch it in a tea towel. The cat cleaned up the rest of them – and it was only once I could no longer hear a single cricket chirping anywhere in my house, did I forgive her.

The Fiance got shat out for leaving his box of crickets on my desk when he KNOWS WE HAVE A CAT, DAMMIT and I demanded that we investigate other food sources. I bought a R120 bag of lizard pellets. Mojo never even TRIED to eat a single one of them. Just turned his scaly nose up and gave me the ol’ fuck-you eyeball.

Superworms and silkworms are marginally easier to catch with a pair of sidecutters (it helps that these fuckers can’t jump or scurry to another part of the box) but then the lizard can’t eat them every day, because they’re too fatty, apparently. Superworms also require their heads to be snipped off before you feed them to the reptile, on account of how THEY FUCKING BITE. Yup. Worms bite, people – they are not, in fact as HARMLESS as they seem. Consider that myth busted. Silkworms eat and crap A LOT – and I’ve just been through three years of nappies and shit, so I’m not cleaning up anyone else’s shit. In fact, i think the housekeeper tossed out the tub of silkworms, on account of how full of silkworm shit it was. Ooops.

Roaches (yes, hissing cockroaches) lasted (i.e: didn’t peg if you forgot to feed them – wtf is this anyway, feeding the food?) a lot longer than crickets, but come rain or shine, The Fiance had to take the box outside to catch them, and had to swear an oath to hunt down and immediately kill any escapees. All I had to do now was grate carrots for him to eat between his roach and worm meals.

And I would have been totally okay with doing just that, as long as The Fiance still wanted the thing. But Mojo, after shedding four or five times, turned into a boring brown (I still think he’s beautiful) – when my beloved had wanted a yellow bearded dragon. Apparently the colour you get is luck of the draw (whatever), but he’s pretty much over Mojo. Novelty has worn off. And since Mojo has been nothing but a grumpy c**t whilst he’s been shedding, no one’s been too keen on giving him much personal attention.

In exasperation the other day, after being bitten by a worm, I tweeted in jest the other day and offered off my lizard, complete with terrarium and a free box of roaches. The Fiance had been debating putting the thing for sale on gumtree (after all, we spent a fortune on that terrarium, lighting, electricity, crickets and assorted other creepy crawlies) for some time, but I think he was more than a little relieved when I called him to say that Angel was interested in the lizard for her son.

The Knucklehead, as he is affectionately known by his mother, seems like he has what it takes to be a better lizard mom than me. And so, just as soon as I’ve persuaded (read: found the right bribe for) The Kid, I’ll be one of those awful people. One of those people that buys an exotic pet, and then a few months down the line, gives that exotic pet away.

But seriously. Can you blame me?

I’ve learned my lesson though. So this year, when The Fiance suggested getting The Kid a PSP for his birthday, I agreed without hesitation. Why? Because at least I won’t have to catch crickets for the PSP. That’s why.

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On My Son, The Artist – He’s Quite An Impressionist, I Tell You

Posted on October 27, 2011 by ExMi

This is a picture my almost-four-year-old son drew the other day.

“This is mommy,” he says. “Mommy when she’s cross*.”

* In my defense: it was probably because I’d just discovered this, behind the couch. In permanent marker.


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On My Kid: We’ve Made It Through The Terrible Twos, Terrorist Threes – What’s Next?

Posted on October 20, 2011 by ExMi

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With less than a month until my Kid’s FOURTH birthday, I find myself a little startled. It was just the other day that I sat down at my PC (yes, those were my pre-Apple-everything days) and wrote him a post on my blog for his first birthday.

His birthday party then was planned months in advance – now, it’s a handful of weeks away and I haven’t even sent out invitations. His fourth birthday just came around so quickly it sort of took me by surprise. Seriously? He can’t be FOUR already?

He’s amazing. And I’m not just saying that because he’s a product of my own genetic material – he really IS amazing. His ability to forgive and constantly expect the best out of people all of the time makes me grateful for his capacity to love and let go. I hope that it never gets taken away from him – because the ability to forgive is one of the most important skills in life. I hope that no one (myself included) ever takes that away from him.

He’s innocent and full of the fun of fresh boyhood and yet has a rather old-soul slightly warped perception of the world. His grasp of sarcasm and how he relates it to each oh-moment in his life just makes me wish I could bottle those moments to return to (much like dumbledor’s pensieve) at a later stage when I need to be reminded.

Reminded that this little demon child currently swinging the cat ’round in circles in the laundry basket is capable of the sweetest (albeit snottiest) kisses and the most incredible hugs. The volume of love is incredible, as is his penchant for destruction, mayhem and (lately) Lego blocks. He can spend hours building robots and cities and Iron Giants.

He’s also made immense progress in other areas, and has gone from completely toilet-phobic and only wanting to Number Two in a nappy (as well as needing a nappy at night for sleep) to fully potty-trained and no longer needing nappies at all. In fact, he found swimming nappies in his cupboard and made me toss them because “I’m a big boy now, Mommy.”

And he is – he sleeps the entire night – at least eight or nine hours and has his wee when he wakes up in the morning. It’s been about two months now, and we’ve spent them nappy free, with a total of four accidents. And he’ll Number Two in the toilet daily – for two Wilson’s toffees. Heh.

That stuff might not seem like a big deal to you – but think about it like this: being out of nappies and using the toilet is one step away from him no longer needing me to wipe his bum. Which means he’s growing up and we’re eventually going to reach a point where he doesn’t need me for anything.

Again. I can’t believe he’s nearly four. It feels like he’s been a part of my life forever and I can’t imagine me (or my life) before him. It kinda seems a bit hollow and meaningless in comparison.

I return again to the potential for love within this child. It’s infinite and he has so much to give. He’s taught me so much about what love really is. That love that’s so different (yet just as strong) as the love I have for his father. In a way, he showed me the truth in the words ‘love is not selfish’ and learning this lesson is what made it possible for me to embrace a love of another sort.

Four years – the first was the easiest and the hardest. I felt too needed, too flustered and too new at this. The terrible twos didn’t seem that bad in comparison to the terrorist threes. Smacked bums help nothing and he laughed at me the other day after I administered one.

My son, my love. My heart. I look forward to him being taller than me by the time he’s seven and I look forward to everything else that growing up brings with it.

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On Shit Days: Sure, They Could Be Worse, I Guess…

Posted on October 19, 2011 by ExMi

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….worse how, I’m not exactly sure, but yeah – those are the platitudes people feed you when something kak has happened – “it could be worse…”.

I walked out of a mall this morning to discover my car – picture above – still where I parked it – but not in the same condition it was in, when I locked it and walked on my merry way into the shops to exchange a pair of shoes I bought last week.

No one was around, no one saw anything; not one of the car guards or security guards knew anything about what had happened to my car. Obviously. Just my freakin’ luck.

Fuck. My fiancé was unbelievably calm about it, his legendary temper didn’t even make a hint of an appearance.

And me? I’m just sad. My poor mommy car has been through so much. I don’t really blame whoever pranged into my car and just drove off – after all – what would you have done if it was you?

So yeah. That was *my* day. Please tell me yours was better?

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On Recipes: Mini Yorkshire Puddings, No Roast Is Complete Without ‘Em

Posted on October 19, 2011 by ExMi

Before The Fiance, I had no idea what Yorkshire pudding was – it wasn’t something I grew up with, and I’d never encountered it before. While my family was big on roast Sunday lunches, they were always done on the Weber by my step-father, and meat was usually accompanied by more meat, and perhaps rice, gravy and salad. And the food that reminds me most of my granny? Curry with dumplings. Yup, her dumplings were the best, and I’ve never been able to get them right!

The first time my fiance asked me to make them (I was making him roast chicken for Sunday dinner) I was a bit skeptical. After tweeting about it, most of the responses were along the lines of ‘oooh, delicious. Yorkshire puddings remind me of my granny.‘ – after scouting through my collection of recipe books and recipe cards (that presented different recipes/methods) I decided to try my own thing, and see what happened. I was also asked to share my recipe, so here it is…

Yorkshire Puddings are cooked once the meat you’re roasting is done, and you’ve taken it out of the roasting pan and the oven. I don’t know what you use to make gravy, but generally I use the oil/fat that has dripped from the roast while it’s cooking and has collected at the bottom of the pan – so I split the drippings into two jugs – one for using for Yorkshire Puds, and the other to make a delicious, thick gravy.

Here’s how to do the Puds:

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 almost-full cup/mug of flour;
  • 1 cup of milk
  • Drippings from the roast you’re making
  • 1 egg
  • a pinch of salt
  1. About an hour before the meat is cooked through, sift the flour into a mixing bowl, add the milk and eggs and mix completely – the texture you’re going for here is pancake mix – because, well, Yorkshire Pudding mix is essentially pancake mix.
  2. Once completely lump-free, leave the mixture to stand for an hour. I made my Puds in a mini-muffin pan – so that they were perfectly bite-sized – but you could do it in a regular muffin pan, or in a flat pie dish as well, I’d imagine.
  3. Either way, you’re going to be greasing the cooking container well, so that the Puds can slide out easily when you’re done.
  4. Once you’ve greased the pans, pour about a millimeter of the drippings into the bottom of each cup in the tray, and then fill each cup about two-thirds of the way with Pud mixture – they will rise, so you have to give them some space.
  5. The oven needs to be on 220degrees Celsius – pop them in – and leave them for 14 minutes – DO NOT OPEN THE OVEN DOOR – check them through the window, or else they will sink in the middle.
  6. They’re ready when they’re starting to go golden brown on top.

And that’s it. Easy and delicious when served with roast chicken, veggies, rice, gravy and crispy roast potatoes. :)

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On Good Housekeeping – Not Just An Art, Now a Magazine

Posted on October 18, 2011 by ExMi

That’s what yesterday was all about. What was yesterday? Only the Good Housekeeping SA media introduction event. Held at the gorgeous Pick n Pay Good Food Studios in Bryanston – my BFF & I joined a few bloggers and other industry shakers for a morning of indulging our inner domestic goddesses, with the passionate Good Housekeeping SA team.

Sally Emery, the gorgeous editor (and another blonde,  I might add) talked us through what we can expect from this new glossy:

“We are very excited that Good Housekeeping is now available to South African women, and we cannot wait for it to become a part of their everyday lives…This magazine speaks directly to women about the things that matter to them most – including their family, their home, their friends and their work – and readers can expect to find inspiring tips, clever ideas and affordable buys on every page. Good Housekeeping not only acknowledges the multitasking reality of women’s lives, it goes one step further by offering useful, tried and tested information and trusted advice that will help save them time, money and hassle.”

LOOK FORWARD TO, IN EACH ISSUE:

  • Good Buys – From beauty and fashion to must-have home items, this section offers readers a variety of useful, fun and affordable buys.
  • Good (Enough) Housekeeping – Clever ideas, smart cheats and easy fixes for the home.
  • Good Health – A roundup of smart ways to stay well, eat right and get fit.
  • Good Looks – Beauty and fashion news, deals and trends.
  • Good Buzz – The stars talk about their homes, families and fashion.
  • Good Advice – Our experts share their advice for your family, your money and your life.
  • Good Choices – What to buy, skip and know. This section includes Good Housekeeping’s monthly product reviews, where each product gets put through rigorous testing. It also includes the monthly column by our consumer expert, who answers readers’ questions regarding consumer issues.
  • Good Stuff – In the launch issue, Good Housekeeping features a mega 21-page special highlighting 101 magic must-haves for the home. (Note: this was by far my favourite section, and I’ve already added so many things to my WANT-IT-NOW! List!)
  • Good Food – Test-kitchen recipes, ideas and tips. In true Good Housekeeping tradition, all recipes in this section are tested three times to ensure that they are easy to make, fast and reliable. Food expert Sharon Glass also shares her tips with readers.

We tried out two of the recipes yesterday, and while we were all busy cooking up a storm, Sharon Glass (yet another blonde!) talked us through the nutritional aspects of the recipes – it’s good to know that when my personal collection of recipe books fails to draw inspiration – there’s a magazine there for me with healthy, failproof recipes to fall back on! Another thing I absolutely loved? Most of the recipes can be pulled off in under 30 minutes – which means I have time to do other things and still dazzle in the kitchen! ;)

After flipping through the magazine, and spending some time on my fiance’s recliner chair (while he was at gym)  with a glass of wine in hand – I have to say that it’s absolutely fantastic to find a magazine that’s aimed at just about everything I’m interested in. Not just a niche magazine.  A magazine that’s not a schleb gossip rag, nor aimed directly at the 20-something sexually-free independent career-driven woman. It’s a magazine that targets every aspect of my identity as a woman.  I think we’ve reached a level in our collective feminism where it’s okay to admit to wanting to be a stay-at-home-mom or wanting to be aSuzy Homemaker – and to do it in such a way that goes beyond a Martha Stewart/Stepford Wife stereotype – ie: to do it with style.

I’ve made it no secret that I’ve revelled in being a housewife/home-maker/work-from-home/stay-at-home mom this year. It’s been good for me, and it’s opened my eyes to my priorities. DIY is fun. Cooking for my family (and proper nutrition) is important. Looking after our house and creating a gorgeous living space is cool. Making the most of time together as a family is essential. And that’s what this magazine does for me: it’s affirmation of the fact that in a world where women have won the right to dominate in the career world, other women have, at the same time also won the right to choose to return to staying at home. Women have also won the right to do it all and have it all, however they might choose it.  To multitask and to balance. And the Good Housekeeping magazine is for each of those women, in all aspects of their being and doing.

It’s also not another glossy filled with gorgeous things no one can afford/make time to do. All of the items are accessible, affordable and have been tried, tested and declared trustworthy. Health, wealth, love, family, entertaining, celebrations, work, kids, sports, beauty, fashion, pets – it’s all there, and it’s all between these covers.

And I can’t wait until the next issue comes out!*
So have you picked up a copy yet? What do you think?

*Available for the super-reasonable price of R24.95 – and there’s an Afrikaans version, too!
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MORE STUFF YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW:

The launch issue of Good Housekeeping is also packed with great giveaways and fabulous prizes, including Electrolux fridge-and-freezer sets worth R36 000 and Le Creuset kitchenware worth R40 800. Five readers will also win stylish clothing from Heidi Klum’s spring capsule wardrobe, while another five will win Guess shoes similar to the ones worn by Heidi on the cover.
There is also a special subscription offer for the printed versions of the magazine. As part of the launch offer, readers will be able to subscribe to the magazine for just R299,40 for 12 issues and receive an additional free 12-month gift subscription for a friend. (This offer is valid until 29February 2012.)
For more info on subscriptions, see here.
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YumYumYum On Sunday

Posted on August 14, 2011 by ExMi

My fiance is a vanilla man, all the way. Vanilla cakes, vanilla cupcakes, vanilla cookies – his choice over chocolate, any day. He even prefers white chocolate – ya, know – Milky Bar? Except when it comes to brownies – for brownies he will make an exception to the vanilla rule.

So after seeing @megpascoe tweeting about chocolate brownie cupcakes with honeycomb and chocolate icing, I knew that this was something I had to get him to try, so this morning we headed out to Market on Main and made a beeline for The Counter’s stall.

A delicious spread of homemade goodies on offer from the aspiring deli-owner and her partner-in-crime – gourmet sammiches, sinful chocolate chip cookies, an assortment of indulgent marshmallows, preserves and and and….of course….chocolate brownie cupcakes with chocolate icing and honeycomb. And huge, gorgeous, chunky chocolate brownies.

I wolfed down my cupcake with a cappuccino – the perfect Sunday breakfast, if you ask me. And it was insanely delicious – the honeycomb? Reminded me of a Crunchie bar. You know, the one that goes ‘KKKRRRRR’ in your mouth? That. And my fiance made sex noises while he was eating his, so I assume that he enjoyed it as well. ;)

Though we had to rush off to fetch The Kid from his grandparents, we made plans to come back to Market on Main another day, to have a look and taste wares from some of the other stalls – we barely even looked around – we went there knowing exactly what we wanted!

Looking forward to see what else comes out of The Counter’s kitchen in the future – and can’t wait for that deli dream to become a reality!

Check them out on Facebook, Twitter and read the blog.

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Online Thrift Swap – Round 1.2

Posted on August 5, 2011 by ExMi

So it took a while, but other bloggers finally got round to scratching through their closets for unwanted wearable gems. If you need a refresher on what this online thrift swap is all about, see here.

As this is the first time we’re trying this idea out – I’m going to leave it open to everyone to join in – we’ll keep it open for a week, and if you decide that you have time, between now and next Friday to do a swap post, feel free to do so, and link back here/leave me a comment with your linky-dink (if you don’t have a blog, try doing a Facebook note, or if you’d like to do it on Twitter, you can post your items as twitpics, using the hashtag #onlinethriftswap, and @mention me in your post). And please, share this with your friends - it’s obviously more fun for everyone if we can get loads of people involved. Plus, we all have at least ONE friend that we’d dearly love to mug for her shoe/handbag collection, don’t we? Now’s your chance to make that happen…. ;)

So let’s take a look at what the other bloggers have on offer:

  1. Here’s the link to my post, with my list of shoes/dresses/tops.
  2. Here’s the link to Lola By The Sea, with her list of handbags, vintage gloves and shiny belts.
  3. Here’s Gina’s link, to a list of tops/shirts/dresses.
  4. Here’s Tanya’s list of shoes/skirts/accessories.
  5. Here’s Lauren’s list of handbags/accessories/dresses.
  6. Here’s Mel’s list of skirts/cardigans/tunic dresses.

Hope to see you join in :)

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It Breaks My Heart That It’s True

Posted on August 3, 2011 by ExMi

It’s not easy being a parent. It doesn’t get easier. In fact, it gets more complicated, the bigger he gets and the older he gets. He’s willful, stubborn, impatient and has ears that are purely for decorational purposes – they serve no function. He hears only what he wants to, and ignores everything else. Much like his mum, I guess.

On Sunday, the two of us went to the park to hang out and spend some time together while his daddy napped. This gave us a chance to sit on the grass – in between chasing each other around and playing Hulk vs The Abomination (his favourite movie, his favourite hero and the ultimate baddie). He told me that I’ve been a bad mommy lately. That I’ve been mean to him, and that I shout at him too much. He told me that he loves me, and that he forgives me for being a bad mom.

Enter mommy guilt.

Huge mommy guilt. Because he’s right, and because it’s true. I have been a bad mommy. And not a bad mommy in a flippant, irreverent way. I’ve been a bit stressed out lately, and it just seems like nothing I do is good enough for him – but I guess he’s just been reflecting my own mood, my own state of mind. Grumpy, whiny and fuck-the-world-I’m-doing-as-I-damn-well-please.

I’ve spent a lot of time the last few weeks shouting to make myself heard. To try and get him to listen to me. It seems the only time he pays attention, is when I shout. I hate shouting, and I hate time-outs, and I hate smacked bottoms. I hate being the disciplinarian, because I don’t really know what I’m doing. I hate that my insecurities seem to be rubbing off on him.

About that mommy guilt. I have it bad. I’ve resolved to be more patient with him. Not to shout, but rather to be patient enough to make myself heard, and to help him understand what he does that makes me cross. I’ve resolved to do more fun things with him, spend more time with him, and to focus on the good behaviour. To focus on the things that he’s good at, and does well. To spend more time talking to him, and more time listening to what he says, and how he feels. He might only be three years old, but he’s perfectly capable of expressing emotions and himself. And it’s been better, since Sunday. We’ve all been happier, calmer and a lot more reasonable.

Being a parent isn’t easy and you have to learn as you go along. It’s funny how you think that you’re going to teach your child things and help him grow. You never realise, until after the fact, how your child is actually the one to teach you things and help you grow.

He’s changed me for the better, but sometimes I need to be reminded of that. I’m not a perfect parent, I’m not even a good parent. But I am trying.

And that’s what counts, isn’t it?

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It’s All About The Weekend

Posted on August 2, 2011 by ExMi

For the first time, in a long time, I’ve ventured out of the house on the weekend. Winter is the perfect excuse for spending too much time on the couch, under a quilt, watching Grey’s Anatomy. (I’m now on Season 5 – Izzy has just started hallucinating Denny – fun times)

What could possibly drag me out of my warm cocoon on a Saturday? It was @bananaramagirl’s baby girl’s first birthday (and I was promised an adult party pack – which I never got….*ahem*) and it was @Wi3sa’s house-warming (and I was promised red velvet cupcakes and (condensed)milktart – which I totally got. Yum.). My fiance went with a bunch of his mates on a party bus to Pretoria – it was someone’s bachelor party, and I hear that there was puking on the bus, and out the bus – all the bachelor’s puke, of course.

So what was I doing on Saturday night? Curled up on the couch, under my quilt with Grey’s Anatomy. Heh. Asleep by 9:30. It was awesome. Best Saturday night ever.

Sunday was spent with fiance nursing a hangover – so we watched superhero movies, and then tried out a new spot for lunch. Egoli Cafe, here on Terrace Road in Edenglen. I’d driven past it loads of times, and finally we went to go have a look-see.

In terms of  kids entertainment and amusement – this place is pretty jacked up. There’s an awesome playground/jungle-gym/slides etc, there’s an indoor playroom with a ball pit for the smaller kids, there’s wall/rock-climbing for the older kids and a jumping castle and trampoline. Child minders that are actually good with children,  and nowhere for kids to escape, so mom and dad can eat their meal in relative peace. The peace and quiet (mostly) makes up for the average service and average food. Kid had a whale of a time, so can’t really complain about that.

The rest of Sunday afternoon was spent napping, and The Kid and I left his father to continue having a glorious Sunday afternoon nap and headed off for the park to spend some time together.

What a perfect way to spend, and end a weekend. How was yours?

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