I Think Perhaps, That I Wasn’t Clear

Certain things I said in my last post, seem to have been taken too literally. So I’d like to take the opportunity to try to explain myself and what I meant, more clearly.

When I said that I always thought I’d go into marriage with a heavy antenuptial, I was referring merely to the portion of the ANC that deals with the dissolution of marriage as it relates to the estate – i.e: what happens if either of us decides we want a divorce/there’s infidelity/estrangement etc. I was not referring to the portion that deals with the estate upon death of either party. I get that, completely. And that’s not even something that needs to be set up before you get married – it could come after the fact. Regardless – I was using this to make a point.

The point being – I’m not going into this marriage with an exit/escape clause. I’m not going into this relationship with a view that it might, one day, down the line end. Sure, I get the practicalities of what if things do go fucking pearshaped and I’m left with jackshit and I have a Kid to feed, school and clothe. Except I don’t have to worry about that. Surely my fiance has proven that he’s better than that – and that he’ll do anything and everything to provide for his family?

You might snigger at me, and again – I could be accused of being naive for saying this – but unless there was infidelity on my part, there is no scenario that could see me divorced and him not agreeing to contribute more than adequately to his child’s upbringing. The Kid and I are his responsibility, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about this man over the years is that he takes responsibility very seriously.

I couldn’t have been luckier when I met him that night on my 22nd birthday. He’s never, not once, given me any reason to doubt him in any way. He’s never once let me down, or not done his absolute utmost to give me what I want, or to solve a problem for me.

The point that I was trying to make, is simply this. I’ve realised that I’ve found a man that I can marry, without the need for the escape clauses. I don’t have to second-guess myself on whether or not I’m making the right decision, and whether or not this really is forever. I KNOW it is. I don’t have to question his commitment – I don’t have to plan for the eventuality that his commitment might fail. I know it won’t.

I didn’t say that I wouldn’t be going into this marriage without an antenuptial. Just that I could, if I *wanted* to.

Did I mention how lucky I am?

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8 Responses to I Think Perhaps, That I Wasn’t Clear

  1. Alice in Wonderland says:

    I’m glad you think like this. More people should.

  2. CathrynR says:

    You should never have to defend having an ANC. No one goes into marriage honestly wanting to get divorced. And yet how many of our parents and friends have gotten divorced? The two are not related; one doesn’t result in the other… Irritates the living daylights out of me people are so opinionated on this subject when you mention you’re getting an ANC…

    And let me not start on how quiet the room gets when you mention you’re not changing your name…

  3. cassey says:

    It’s like Cathryn said, people see the two as being related, even though they’re not. And so, well at least in my case, it became a matter of saying to you what was said to others to defend a choice. I think most of the comments you got come from the fact that you were clear in that divorce is not something you see ever happening, but not if you were or weren’t getting an ANC.

  4. Flea says:

    I can’t help but comment from a legal perspective. All the emotional reasons aside, it is quite frankly legally stupid to go into a marriage without an ANC. For a simple reason. One of you starts a business, or is a shareholder of a company. The company fails, goes bankrupt. Usually, a creditor will demand that the shareholder of the company signs as personal surety. If you are married out of community of property, the creditor can only go after the shareholder. If you have an ANC, your finances are secure and you will not be chased by creditors.
    Put the emotion aside. These days it is a business precaution. If one partner gets into any kind of financial difficulty, you don’t want that you affect the other partner. And you will be able to rely on the other partner’s assets until the ‘bankrupt’ partner gets back on his or her feet.

  5. anib says:

    divorce is not an “escape”. not for one second.
    you dont plan these things and when it happens… you both go crazy and do stupid shit… like fight over CD’s. i have the laywer’s letters to prove it. :/
    protect yourself now. it’s not about love… it’s about your future and your family’s security.
    there are many ways to do this smartly.
    speak to a lawyer before it’s too late.

  6. blackhuff says:

    To comment about the advice you got: I hate it when people say that. I too was said that before after I got married. I don’t like that advice at all. It’s like that person is dooming the whole thing about marriage.
    Why not be dependent on your husband? What’s wrong by being dependent on the one you love? If you made the right choice, then surely you don’t have to worry about being dependent on your husband?

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