Finally. I am a licenced driver. Finally I can drive toward roadbocks without getting the shakes or making an illegal, hasty U-turn and speeding off in the opposite direction. Last Wednesday I passed my drivers’ test. Third time ’round, I finally got it. I am now the owner of a 100% legal driving licence. Didn’t have to buy it, and didn’t have to bribe anyone.
Although I’m not entirely convinced of the usefulness of this whole K53 driving thing. I don’t see the point of doing a million checks and observations. It’s far too difficult to do all the ridiculous checks (mirror, mirror, blindspot) before indicating and turning. I get the point of checking your blind spot. I get the point of making sure that it’s safe to go. I get the point of defensive driving. But I don’t get the point of checking down every single side road (right, then left) or checking in your rear-view mirror every 5 seconds. What with all the mirror-mirror-blindspot-check-side-road-left-check-mirror-check-side-road-right-mirror-mirror-blindspot-indicate you’re busy doing, i don’t see how the fuck it’s possible to KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD. Surely that’s the most important thing?Anyway.
I passed. It’s one less thing to worry about. I can now drive my car without worrying about what’s going to happen if I’m in an accident and there are other people involved. Now I have insurance. Now I can drive my Kid around. Now I can venture out of Edenvale, without having heart palpitations.
Another thing I must add, is that it seems to be men that are all the bullshit dickface inconsiderate drivers. Them in their big Porsche Cayennes that think it’s grand to cut off a small (but kiff mommy-car) Honda Jazz off, as it’s busy taking a turn off, because, OH DON’T WORRY, SHE’S JUST A GIRL. All those men that get impatient that you’re not SPEEDING, and over-take you, with mere centimeters between the two cars, that make you slam on brakes because they decide to pull said maneouver just ask you’re slowly cruising up to a RED ROBOT.
All those bullshit dickface MEN drivers that steal the parking space you’re INDICATING and just about TURNING INTO. The ones that flash you and hoot when you’re 2.5 SECONDS TOO SLOW pulling off at a robot. Men drivers. Seriously. Someone should shoot them, because my potty mouth and middle finger just isn’t enough to express how I feel towards them.It’s always the women that give gaps in traffic, it’s always the women that flash you, but they’re not signalling you to tell you that you’re a doos driver, they’re signalling you to tell you there’s a speed trap up ahead. Men drivers. Seriously. They should take a lesson from women. There’d be much less road rage in the world – guaranteed.
So. About the test. It went okay. I’m still relieved. I got the same examiner that failed me the first time I did my test. Only I seemed to catch him on a good day. He was friendly, he was chatty and more than willing to turn a blind eye. I was doing my alley docking, and wasn’t even into the space properly and was about || this far away from hitting a pole and he said to me: ‘don’t stress, just go try it from the other side.’ And then when we got onto the road, and he said to me ‘at the next robot, we’re turning right’ and I indicate left, and get into the left lane, and he says ‘I said right not left’ and I swerve across the road into the right hand lane – he just laughed. Apparently I did everything else right, though and when we got back to the testing station, and he added up the points and he told me I passed, I told him I was so happy I could have hugged him.Thankfully I didn’t have to, though.
Weird thing I realised about my experience with drivers’ tests? I’ve done it three times, in two different places. All three times, tested by a guy named John. The first time I failed, I hit a pole COMING OUT of the parallel parking bay. The second time I failed, I crossed a solid white line, coming BACK TO the testing station, because the examiner told me I needed to turn right, so I did my checks, got into the turning lane and inadvertently (I had no other choice) crossed a white line.
But. I passed this time. So who cares, right? Third time’s a charm and all that.
And yesterday. I was driving with my Kid to his friend’s birthday party. Him sitting in his seat. He turns to me and says:
“Mommy, you’re driving too slow.”
Sigh. Please don’t let my son be one of those bullshit dickface men drivers.